Reframes and realities

Instead of focusing on how much needs to get done… what if we asked how relaxed we can be while doing it?

This came up for me recently and really resonated. It’s been part of how I’ve been trying to flex some new muscles this year - how I spend my “idle” time, how present I am, and how I relate to the mental load I carry. As a business owner, mom, spouse, insert other hats, I’ve been tired to my core. It’s not a story I want to keep feeding, and at the same time I want to acknowledge where I’m at. Even on my most regulated days, with all my tools in place, the weight of the world (and how I take it in), layered on top of the to dos, has felt almost impossible at times.

I’m the first to admit I get overwhelmed and resentful - not exactly high-frequency places to live - from the mental load of everyday life. Even on my most regulated days, with all my tools in place, the weight of the world and the atrocities around us, layered on top of the to dos - school pick-ups, the long commute home, dinner, lunches, bath, bed… repeat - has felt almost impossible at times.

I’ve come to appreciate the random day off school, or even having Sebi home sick (never thought I’d see the day I’d welcome that curveball), or the weekend -even though it’s still full of work and busy. It breaks up the routine and the needs of others that tend to fall on me. But my biggest aha is this: it’s not just the list of what has to be done - it’s how much stress I’ve been adding to the mental load about the mental load. Ironic, right?

So, the reframes have come in handy.

First, these things have to happen. So why not change how I relate to them? I’ve started asking: where can I get help? One hot lunch a week. One pick-up or drop-off delegated. Traveling at a different time. Hot bar food on the way home.

And then: how do I make it more relaxing? Light a candle. Put on classical music. Get Sebi involved (he unpacked all the groceries today: A+ parenting moment).

Asking myself - how do I stop playing roles that aren’t mine to hold alone, like being the “reminder”? I’ve learned that shared or delegated responsibilities have to come with ownership, not just the task itself. That shift alone has been huge.

Also, how do I challenge perfectionism? Presence over perfection. Perfect is the enemy of good. No guilt about rest. Trusting that I feel far less resentful if I unitask - if I’m fully present with who, where, and what I’m with—than if I try to do it all. Eliminating the “middle man” (in this case my own noggin), the second-guessing and ruminating, has been quietly revolutionary.

And undeniably the biggest reframe right now: that it is a privilege that I get to do these things without fighting for my life, without being constantly vulnerable, threatened, or afraid - something too many are not afforded right now. This is not a weight I take off my shoulders. It’s one we all carry, in different ways, until things change.

These shifts aren’t magical—they’re small, daily decisions. But collectively, they’ve made the mental load lighter, the moments more present, and the everyday madness… more livable.