Thresholds

There is a part of transformation we don’t talk about much: the part where you are no longer entirely who you were, but have absolutely no idea who you’re becoming.

I’ve been thinking a lot about thresholds lately - partly because I’m standing in a few of my own - but also because I’m watching Sebi stand in his.

(Turns out Kindergarten is full of very real human things and immense emotional growth. I am not sure I was ready for it.)

It has been wildly affirming (and heartbreaking) to see and feel Sebi’s emotional intelligence unfold. It’s one of his superpowers, and also makes him extra sensitive (apple never falls far, does it?). He processes and downloads at night, and reflects in simple words, complex concepts it’s taken me decades to decode. And I feel so honored to be able to reflect them back to him with my own experience, growth, and healing. And I also feel ashamed when my own hurt, my protection and my projections get in the way of him being able to learn on his own path.

Friendships change. Loyalties shift. Contradicting words to actions, fads, dynamics and hurt feelings. There is learning to use your voice, boundary setting, having agency over your own choices. And then learning that those things can have a social consequence and belonging sometimes bumps right up against what you’re standing up for.

I’m watching him navigate all of it.

And myself.

Trying to let him learn what is his to learn while offering him whatever wisdom I have accumulated along the way. And reminding myself in the process.

Maybe we never really graduate from these things. The circumstances become more sophisticated, but the questions underneath them remain remarkably similar.

Who am I here?

Where do I belong?

What am I willing to let go of to belong? What am not willing to let go of even if it means not belonging?

There is so much emphasis on becoming but aren’t we always becoming and unbecoming?

Anyway, this is a post about thresholds and I’m getting to my point. It’s that the threshold of becoming is sacred. Stepping forward and into something new usually means something behind us deserves to be acknowledged or mourned before we let it go.

Whether we choose these thresholds or not, there can still be grief.

Even when what comes next is right, what came before wasn’t necessarily wrong.

Thank you for getting me here. And I can’t stay here anymore. Both can live together.

I watch Sebi becoming while still being the little boy he was yesterday - it’s not an instant transition. I watch him try on ways of being, bump up against other people, discover himself through relationship, learn where his edges are.

It’s tender hearted and courageous work my little one, I tell him.

And myself.