the words are flowing

poetry has come and gone in my life, and now is coming in waves that sometimes feel out of body. necessary. words that need to be captured.

works in progress, all of them, and some, to be shared here.

x a

the cancer cells

i knew they were there
before i knew they were there

because sometimes
the body whispers
and we don’t hear it

or we hear it
and don’t know what we are listening to

but all that is besides the point

what feels clear now
in my body

is what it will no longer hold

i’ve resisted and gripped for too long

don't get me wrong

i still love the illusion of control
a tidy house
a good plan
a perfectly mapped day

(i know… i know)

but something in me
is asking to be more like water, like breath

not passive
not disappearing
not allowing what shouldn’t be allowed

but softer
responsive
being with instead of bracing against

that’s what keeps rising

and more sh!t shows up as a result
but it's not being held back in my throat as unsaids

(well, because that, too, has a cost)

what else feels non negotiable now:

simple and deep nourishment

gratitude even when it feels far away

sleep (even if that is in a medicated season of life)

for someone who has been in her body
oh the humbling of shifting once again,

my relationship

to myself
to my cells
to the way i move through my life