teachings from my greatest teacher
I ran into a Crossfit class the other day, trying not to disturb people as I was late and they were answering the question of the day. “Skydive", answered one. “Multilingualism”, said another. Spotlight now on me, the Coach repeated “Tell us your name and what’s one skill you wish you could unlock"?
“Alice. And raising my child properly”. Crickets in the room. “I mean, I’m keeping my kid alive, check, but like actually parenting? Raising a good human? I’d like that unlocked”.
Ok, Alice buzzkill. But, hey, it was the first thing that came to mind and something that has been weighing on my heart lately.
I’ve had moments over the last few months of being particularly hard on myself in this department. Lots of questioning how I’m showing up, if I’m doing enough. Caught in a web of guilt, doubt, comparison. But if there’s anything my almost 4 year old is teaching me in my almost 4 years as a mama, it is that when things matter the most, he feels safe. He feels love. He feels seen. And if I can help support those for him, then I can gift those things back to myself too.
Here is a short list of what else I’ve learned from my 4 year old:
That dinosaurs are cool - why did we ever stop thinking they were (or is that just me? Because I should not have). And that while he might not be able to pronounce spaghetti, he can pronounce ankylosaurus and diplodocus and a bunch of other dinos I never knew existed.
The simplest spark of joy is wordless eye contact - enough to connect, enough to show presence, enough to curl up the sides of your mouth, giggle and share unsaid secrets. Now, my bestie and I do this in random public places, but sharing it with a 4 year old? Priceless.
Big feelings are more than tantrums. Sometimes Sebi gets overwhelming gratitude - so much sensation in his little body that he doesn’t know what to do with. So he body checks me and says through gritted teeth “I LOVE YOU MAMA”. The teaching - he never wonders if his emotions should or shouldn’t be expressed, never wonders if a feeling shouldn’t be felt, even if he doesn’t understand it.
Little beings are beings - respect them, communicate with them, and most importantly, repair with them.
Ask and learn people’s names. Sebi walks around asking people their names. To watch people’s faces light up, to be connected with with no agenda, to be seen for who they are, not their work, or their role, is a sweet reminder of the good of people and our need for connection.
Be impervious to embarrassment. Perimenopause starts to mirror the younger years again, thank goodness, because the self-conscious, people pleasing filter of tweenage years to late 30s was exhausting and it’s so nice to be taught to appreciate caring less what others think again.